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View all posts by jabittan. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Very few species mate with a single partner for life, and while humans in most parts of the world do, it is often not done well. Romantic affairs are the driving plot device in more books and movies than any of us can count. In the real world, we know plenty of people who have cheated on spouses or significant others, or been on the other side of the cheating. Numerous TV show hosts have made a living by revealing the results of paternity tests.

Yuval Noah Harari makes a suggestion in his book Sapiens that monogamy is so hard for humans today because most of human evolution was not focused on monogamous relationships. Nuclear families are a relatively recent invention. In some instances, tribes actively practiced fatherhood rituals that were the direct opposite of monogamy.

Harari writes,. It was not clearly understood that only one person sired a child, and in some tribes women would actively haved sex with multiple men, even throughout a pregnancy, so that her child would gain the qualities of all the men. When I first read this quote from Harari it made me question whether modern monogamous marriages were really the best thing for humans. If it contradicted our biology so much, I wondered why we kept it around, especially if it caused so many psychological, social, and emotional problems for so many people.

When societies do not have a system of single pair bonding, the highest status men tend to accumulate more females to exclusively marry.

Regardless as to whether the women want to have sex with many men and partner with them, they often find that it is best for them to stick with just the one highest status man possibly the wealthiest, strongest, or most politically connected man for the best chance to raise their children. Pairing with a high status man who already has two or three other wives can often be more advantageous for a woman than pairing with the fourth most high status man, especially as women are pushed toward men further down the status ladder — as happens in strict monogamous societies.